Can snoring ruin a marriage? In my practice, I hear the complaints all the time. Since it is more common in men than women, wives often make the appointments for their husbands, or the husband will say “my wife made me come in.” Snoring can cause a couple who are normally affectionate and enjoy a healthy home life to become resentful of each other. The non-snoring spouse blames the snorer for causing them to be up all night, the snorer blames the non-snoring spouse for not being understanding.
The reason for resentment is understandable. Snoring can cause daytime symptoms that can wreak havoc on one’s waking life, and unfortunately, it is not just the snorer that suffers – the spouse can suffer just as much. The sleep loss associated with snoring impairs a person’s ability to perform tasks involving memory, learning, reasoning, and mathematical processes. It can cause morning headaches, irritability, burnout and depression to mention just a few symptoms.
It is thought that more than forty million Americans snore every night and that 60% of men snore, and 30% of women. With all that snoring at night, couples are having a hard time sleeping together. According to the National Sleep Foundation, 53 percent of adults say they have relationship problems because of their or their partner's sleep disorder. The housing industry even seems ready to capitalize on this trend, with one survey predicting that by the year 2015, more than 60 percent of custom homes will have dual master bedrooms to be occupied primarily by snoring spouses.
In his book, "Two in a Bed: The Social System of Couple Bed Sharing," Paul C. Rosenblatt explores couples sharing their sleeping space, and it is a groundbreaking book in the field of sleep and relationships. For the book, Rosenblatt interviewed 42 couples, and examines how sharing a bed affects the couple’s relationship.
Many couples described that sleeping in the same bed is extremely important to them, because “it's a time for intimacy, pleasure and feeling comfortable together. During the time before drifting off to sleep, couples catch up on what's going on with one another, plan, make decisions, deal with disagreements and solve problems. For most couples, their time chatting in bed is the most time they have to talk with each other on a daily basis and that talk can be crucially important to their relationship,” Rosenblatt said."If couples don't have this time in bed, then they're in trouble.”
Although many couples know that it’s healthier for their marriage to share that time, sense of security and intimacy, many with snoring spouses are opting to go it alone in separate rooms for the sake of a good night’s sleep and a productive, healthy day.
If your marriage is suffering because you or your spouse snores, the answer to your problem maybe easier to solve than you think. The key is to understand that snoring is a symptom of a physical condition, such as sleep apnea, sinusitis, or nasal obstruction and it can be treated. There are many non-surgical and surgical treatments available to snorers today, dependant on the cause of the disorder. Sometimes snoring can be treated with changes in lifestyle, but when that doesn’t work, medical evaluation is necessary.
Help get your marriage get back on track, and start getting a good night’s sleep. Contact us at the Manhattan Snoring and Sleep Center to schedule your online appointment or call 212-873-6036 today.
-David O. Volpi, M.D., P.C., F.A.C.S.,
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